You've probably read all the parenting books, feeling deeply confused about which parenting style to follow—tiger mom, helicopter, submarine, conscious, or wild parent ( yes, yes all these are parenting models apparently). Does it feel like nothing works at home? Well, same here.

Being a parent is like a walk in the park, I mean for neurotypicals. If you throw ADHD in the parenting mix, it will look more like a walk in Jurassic Park. The ups and downs, flips, twists and turns can be overwhelming at times.

As a parent, you may find yourself struggling with your own ADHD along with organization, time management, daily tasks. You might feel guilty, shame and doubt and think that you failed your children. So, breath in, observe these worries drift away from your mind, and don’t forget to breath out.

We’re here to remind you how incredible parent you are, regardless of ADHD. You are the superhero for your children, never doubt that.

It’s a wild wild ride and you’re not alone in this.

You've got this!

How ADHD Shows Up In Parenting

ADHD affects everyone differently, with symptoms varying in both type and intensity. While some parents with ADHD manage well, others struggle a great deal. The most common symptoms parents with ADHD encounter include:

• Difficulty paying attention, getting distracted - for example, struggling to listen to children because the story they are telling you is not inspiring, difficulty playing because the game is boring, you might daydream or zone out.

• Difficulty with organization and/or frequently losing things. Example: missing important school events (Christmas choir) and life events ( birthday parties), losing school books.

• Difficulty remembering details such as putting a cap in school bag, or the parent-teacher meeting date.

• Impulsivity - like shouting, snapping, interrupting and ongoing activity with children or a partner.

• Hyperactivity - fidgeting, restlessness, talking fast and excessively or interrupting abruptly conversation with children or partners.

• Having the “endless to-do list syndrome” - looking at the million started yet unfinished tasks all at once, wishing that they will be completed by an invisible hand. Ultimately, do nothing.

• Procrastination and avoiding, ignoring, erasing tasks that feel overwhelming.

• Prioritizing children’s and partner’s needs over own needs, leading to chronic stress and parental burnout.

• Time blindness. Difficulty assessing time passing. Can be challenging to run daily routines.

ADHD Superpowers

ADHD is often seen negatively. However, parents with ADHD have strengths and positive qualities. These can help them succeed. Some strengths of ADHD include:

• Resilience: Those with ADHD often face their fair share of hurdles and setbacks. Yet, their resilience shines brighter than a well-polished gem, enabling them to bounce back from difficulties. Parents with ADHD may need gentle nudges to recharge, but they always find a way to make things happen.

• Sense of humor: Individuals with ADHD have a knack for seeing the lighter side of life. Their keen sense of humour helps them navigate challenging situations, fostering connections with children while modelling emotional regulation.

• Creativity: Those blessed with ADHD often dance in the realm of imagination. Their unique thought patterns conjure innovative ideas and solutions like magic. Parents with ADHD can harness this vibrant creativity to craft bespoke solutions for their wonderfully individual families!

• High energy: Individuals with ADHD are bursting with energy and enthusiasm. This infectious dynamism can motivate everyone around them, keeping kids engaged and eager to tackle their tasks.

• Hyperfocus: While parents with ADHD may wrestle with distractions, they possess the gift of hyperfocus. When a parent stumbles upon an engaging activity with their children, that laser-like focus turns ordinary moments into extraordinary memories!

“My greatest challenge as a parent with ADHD? Mastering my own mind.

In unhealthy moments, I find myself shouting over tiny annoyances.

Or, I’m lost in the rabbit hole of doom-scrolling social media.

This isn’t the parent I aspire to be day in, day out."

—Carina, Mum of 2

4 Strategies to Help You Manage Your Own ADHD Struggles

Parenthood catapults us into the deep end of executive function skills. We juggle organising, planning, cleaning, and regulating our swirling emotions. External expectations pound on our door like determined salespeople while the family requests tug at our hearts, boundaries and patience. When we don’t show up as our best selves (bad days happen), shame and spiraling guilt will follow. Be gentle with yourself and shift your focus towards something more uplifting.

• Go guilt-free and unleash your strengths. Many with ADHD can’t pinpoint their talents, often shrouding their gifts in a cloak of self-doubt. Yet, this is a misstep! Recognising our strengths should be as crucial as breathing. Look at how your unique talents shine through in parenting. You may arrive a tad late for taekwando testing grade, and sure, that’s a fixable flaw. However, what truly matters is your authentic presence and valuable contributions. These aspects resonate deeply with your children, allowing you to feel more like the real you and significantly boosting your self-worth.

• Reduce exposure to sensory triggers. Sensory overload can feel like fireworks in the brain. Everyday experiences may hit harder and last longer than for others. Parents often juggle a multitude of tasks that can be overwhelming. The cacophony of loud noises, dazzling lights, and powerful scents can play havoc. Crowds buzz like bees while juggling too many tasks feels like a circus act. These overstimulating elements are the familiar backdrop for many parents. You can’t escape exposure to your children, but you can reduce exposure to other sources of sensory overwhelm by planning to leave social gatherings earlier or avoiding peak hours at certain places.

• Make an appointment …with yourself. Hard truth; no one’s coming to carve out your alone time for you. It’s your mission to discover when and how to fit it in. Guess what? Parenting is a ceaseless juggling act that goes for life. So, treat your personal time like a dentist appointment; it’s a commitment! Carve out space for your favourite hobby, sport, or side hustle. Make it a daily ritual. Perhaps it's as simple as tuning into your favourite podcast, or indulging in knitting. Even if screen time is a rarity, those precious moments for yourself are golden. The glow of your alone time will nourishes your emotional wellbeing and revitalises your spirit.

• Connection First. Connecting with children as an ADHD parent can feel like navigating a maze. Communication barriers, boundary challenges, and scheduling snafus often complicate the journey. Yet, there’s a beacon of hope. Here are a few guiding stars to light your path:

  • Step into their world. Listen intently and let curiosity be your compass. What captures their imagination? What topics draw them in? Explore their YouTube rabbit holes together!

  • Why not take the plunge and dive into their interests? Challenge them to video game duels, binge-watch their favourite shows, or bounce on the trampoline. Celebrate their passions, and together, you’ll create unforgettable memories wrapped in joy!

Family Challenges and Alternatives

Research shows that when a family member has ADHD, it can impact the overall life satisfaction of everyone in the household. Some common challenges include:

• Emotional regulation: When one family member experiences dysregulation, it sends shockwaves through the household. This often creates a snowball effect, leading to heightened stress and overwhelm.

• Lack of consistency and structure: Children thrive on routine, yet parenting consistency can prove elusive with untreated ADHD. Parents grappling with ADHD often struggle to create a calm, organised sanctuary at home.

• Misunderstanding and misinterpretations: Some family members mistake ADHD for mischief, rudeness, or carelessness. They may fail to recognise that these behaviours stem from a neurological condition.

• Disconnection: Parents, especially fathers, with ADHD symptoms report feeling detached from their children. Everyday stressors can obscure emotional presence, making it tough to forge vital connections.

Here’s what you can do

• Get treatment. Therapy and counselling can open doors to healing. Sometimes, you need to focus on yourself first before guiding your child. A family counsel or therapist might help uncover hidden family challenges. They can also provide actionable strategies to help manage those dynamics effectively.

• ADHD Coaching. Parenting with ADHD is a vibrant journey. until every system you thought you mastered collapse. Coaching anchors you when the ground shakes beneath your feet. Get yourself coach will illuminate your strengths, helping you navigate the chaos. Together, you'll streamline challenges and vault over the emotional hurdles of parenthood. Coaching guides you in decisions about what to delegate, simplify, or release. A supportive coach empowers you to cultivate the connection and balance you crave.

• Self-care is not selfish. Read that again. Self-care is the heartbeat of a healthy adult life, ADHD or not. It’s not always easy to put yourself first, but when you do, you’re opening the door to collective well-being. Use your self-care time as a family adventure; let everyone join in. This way, you nurture your needs while sowing seeds of wellness for all. When you fill your cup, it overflows to benefit everyone around you.

• Community. Communities (like Meru!) and support groups help you share lived experiences with like minded people. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, and tell them exactly what kind of help you need. It will save you tons of time searching the web for a cold advice.

The Bottom Line

For parents with ADHD, raising children can feel like climbing Everest. Balancing a bustling household while tending to emotional wellbeing is truly heroic. ADHD touches every aspect of parenting, often complicating even the simplest tasks. That's why caregivers need specialised tools and resources to tackle their symptoms. With the right support, they can meet their children's needs at every stage of development.